Dating and the art of giving ourselves permission
By Andrea M. Winn, MEd
I’m taking a risk and sharing something personal with you this week. I started dating early this Fall ~ an adventure that demands great courage! I am blessed in my circle of friends, and it includes a dating coach. Yes… someone who is an expert in the art of dating!
Amy has been giving me excellent tips and strategies for about 6 months, as I’ve been preparing for this leap into the dating world. Like, allow a week in between dates so your body’s hormones can settle down and you have time to process your experience.
Another strong guidelines she gives is to date several people so you don’t put all your eggs in one basket too soon. I suppose this is like interviewing several candidates for a position – it leads to a better hire.
Well, I started off as an enthusiastic coachee. I was pursuing three dating candidates. Candidate 1 was delightful! Candidate 2 never responded to my invitation to tea. And Candidate 3 had too much going on and wasn’t available for further dating. Other people in my life know Candidate 1, and they kept telling me how sweet and amazing she is. Each time I saw her I grew more impressed with her presence, communication skills and playful grace.
I didn’t want to date other people! I wanted to explore this wonderful opportunity with Candidate 1! My coach raised a flag of concern, that this was a common tendency people have – to narrow their choices way too soon. I had a lot of transition happening in my life, and so she suggested I take a 2-month break from dating to allow myself to grow to a stronger place. She concluded that meeting by saying: Ultimately you need to follow your own truth.
I am very committed to attracting a good relationship. I know Amy has been a dating coach for years, and she’s good at it. I thought I’d better follow her expert advice and put my dating adventure on hold.
I went into a mini-depression. Doing the “right”, “smart”, “practical” thing felt like a prison. I wanted to pursue my joy in a way that felt honouring of me and honouring of Candidate 1.
So… I went rogue! I decided to date only Candidate 1. If it turns out we’re not a good match, then I will return to the field of candidates. After three weeks, this decision is still feeling good – very good. And I continue to use most of Amy’s strategies, because they support good pacing within the intense experience of dating.
I’m baring my tender heart in sharing this story because maybe you are doing the “right”, “smart”, “practical” thing in your life – doing what the leading experts inside and outside your head are suggesting.
What can I say? It is a blessing when we open the space for permission to explore something different ~ what feels right ~ allowing our truth to flow through.
That is the topic for this month’s free Abundance teleseminar: Opening the Space for Permission. I would love for you to join us for this heart-full transformative event Wednesday evening. As always, the recording will be available for those who can’t make the live event – just be sure to register to get that recording.
And if you are interested in developing your own strong dating strategies, Amy and I are teaming up to offer some exciting programming on dating in the new year. So stay tuned…